i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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