bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
