I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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