Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
