i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
