Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
