Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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