She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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