i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
