Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
