I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize