I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
