Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
