Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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