I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
