I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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