So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Randomize
