I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
