Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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