I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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