btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
