forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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