and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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