I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
