Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i will never coherently bang her
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Let's paint friendship bongs
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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