I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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