She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
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How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize