i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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