it was like his penis was on wheels.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
a search helicopter?!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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