Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
