Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
