this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
