But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
