I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
