Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He has the fingertips of a God
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
