my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
