hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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