if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
