it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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