The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
