I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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