How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
