I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
