How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
this boner is exhausting
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
