he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
