This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
