I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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