whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
