Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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