I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
