He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
