Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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