do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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