If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
