shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
