I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
