he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
