Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
