a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
