shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
