You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
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