just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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