guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
