Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Less talking, more tequila
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
