just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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