Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
