Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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