I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
These tits shall not be calmed
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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