Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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