But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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