i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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