Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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