There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
