I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
