Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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