Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
