i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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