i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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