I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
