I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
